i dont wanna take no chance..

well, today was shag ! went to visit dad again yeah.. great to see him in the pink of health again. suddenly i felt that the bond between my family has grown closer. thats great news to me. yep. anyway, the tubing that was attached to his windpipe is now gone and he can finally speak ! wow, its been a long time since I heard him talk man. on my way back, i saw this book and bought it.. its called "Write It Down, Make It Happen". I like to read inspirational stuffs. yeah.. especially i have in mind whats in place for me. i need this special drive to keep me going on, to give in my best shot. even if no one's supporting me, i'll produce that extraordinary strength to keep myself going strong every single day of my life. im glad i made the first step but right now i've got to study real hard for my tests.. i got to work doubly hard to revise for my modules. i know i've been slacking hardcore. i got too complacent, if theres any results not of my expectation, i brought it all upon myself. but guess what ? i dont think its too late to start now! its never too late. heh. keep me movin'. good night people.

hey, suddenly today i felt very inspired by life. i've come to a decision that i shall work hard to improve my life and of course to make my life more fulfilling in that sense. of course, i wont be an empty vessel.. hehe well well, we shall see !

oh my goodness, darn shag, tired, stressed. i've been slacking my days away.. piles and piles of homework i have not done, and i got no drive to do them at all. now it's like piled till maximum liao. my tests are around the corner and everything's just not done ! now feeling the impact of the pile man. father's still in hospital and im going there after sch everytime and now all my works undone. slowly im beginning to not understand a single thing about my lectures, i feel very useless in that sense. but i know this is not the time to give up, this is on the other hand, a drive to keep me going on. so i'll just spend the nite rushing MOLs.. darnnn.. so much so much .. i owe teacher a revision. and upon this friday.. it'll be 2. oh my oh my.. alrite bought a soccer boots today, so nice. was like 100 but i love it. its worth it. my old one kind of like splitted.. haha.. anyway.. i hope i can do well with that boots. lastly, i think its time for me to say goodbye, because more penning means more slacking and more piling.. heh.. good nite.

yoo........... wow, its like i havent been here for days ya. .. right. today was ... SLACK. i was watching soccer on TV all the way and also try to download some movies from IRC .. yep .. after all the work, i managed to get myself, HONEY. yep. the dance movie, at this point of time, i completed watching Disc 1 of it .. then i went on to watch soccer Match.. well well.. guuuud. MAN U is back, they have made a comeback, and i think Arsenal's going down, although they won this match. haha.. hmm earlier this day, i went to visit dad. it seems that his health is on the pink soon. everythings going fine, and if im not wrong, he should be discharging anytime this week or next. yep, was relieved to recieve this piece of news. yup, tmr's soccer match day, wondering how is it going to be. yea, got so PISSED off with my friends in the team. they dont treat this as a team, full of excuses to give them a chance to escape. whats the point ? i told them so clearly that if you are not interested then u can just get the hell out of the team because no one needs anyone of u. we work as a team, not individually, so if u think u r that important, maybe u can leave. yes, this is not to anyone, but this is to everyone, including me in the team. well, i just hate their reactions about matches, afterall, it should have been fun and not FORCED, right ? sigh..... thats the worst of today, anyway now chatting with jonathan, and of course im abit shag now. the moment i close my eyes i feel like falling into a deep sleeeeeep. .. . . . good nite peepz. i w i l l b b a c k

sweet memories are kept in the stars on the sky, those of which unforgettable. a phrase from a song. i love it so much. it feels so real. i was chatting with her. it wasnt the same anymore. now i truely understand whats crush. yes. i ought to accept the fact that everything is over. she knows that whatever relationship i've gone through in life means alot to me. and that it all isnt about forgetting in a snap of a finger's time. i missed the days we were together. the way we chatted with each other. but learn to take things in my stride. just let it be. im in no mood to sleep already. im sleepy, yet i dont feel like sleeping. i hate myself this way. i shouldnt get so emotional. am i right or wrong to feel this way? or is she wrong to treat me this way? its still leaving a dilemma in a confused guy.

is the world safe to live in anymore ? what came a shock to de world again was the terrorists attack on Madrid, killing hundreds. u felt the lost of lives ? each of us ought to have the right to live on, no one deserves to end the life of somebody's. yeah, thats what shook me today. saw the papers few days back, initially it was nothing. then came grief. who cares whos responsible for them, the terrorists just suck. poor mankind.

freak, its all been a freaky week. everything's gone hayhayhaywired.. Manchester United was THRASHED 4-1 by Manchester City. thats it man ! finished no more champs league title, no more EPL title, i doubt there'll be any left for FA Cup title even. hmmm.. having bad stomach aches today, not feeling good at all man .. argh .. still haf to get to school by 8tmr morning.. WORSE. hai... how worse can it get .. ? im so disappointed .. by the team. but .. i'll choose to keep the Faith !! u can do it .. still... no no. 1, make it no. 2. Chelsea still suck as much. hehe...

freaakkkk.. i need a LIFE! *shouts* :|

irregulation of updates. freak. the four walls of death, the room of darkness, the weapon of silence, piercing into each and every strand of my nerves, each and every inch of my skin. its killing me. - some anonymous phrase. wonder how one's got to live without a partner. *poke* *poke* *poke* :PpPp

wherever there's faith, theres hope. change me will You ? thank You.. im looking forward to this changed life.. but somethings i just have my own limitations, because of one thing or another i hope i will be understood. :D .. had a chat with this someone, whom lightened up my life. i was sure, at one point of time that thats the one, but im also well aware that the one is someone's .. heh.. well, friends la rite.. i like u as a friend only .. :) im glad i had u once in my life .. heh.. went to visit dad this afternoon. he seemed more active now .. as in he can move liao le .. and everything seems fine except for that throat. i think he'll recover in no time.. ! :D thats great news lor.. but frankly speaking, thats a turning point in my life. ive nvr been this close to dad .. well maybe last time .. i missed the days when we're together.. ************************************************************************************************************ whatever, its now over. im satisfied with my family, my dads with me although not with us. yep. sometimes i wondered, why do such things have to happen in my life ? well, its all fate. what moulds you ? problems. yap, my life's principle. hehheh.. anyway, i now look forward a change in me, i want to change for de better !! :D somethings i yearn to have, yet i wont have it. not until someone proves me wrong. :P

been feeling down lately, no idea whats getting me all over...? freak lo. so down so down, feels that something is not right in my life, feels that something is missing in my life, feels that life is no longer meaningful, feels that im just a wreck in other people's life. im no longer held respect for, im such a hypocrite in other people's eyes. why am i feeling all these? especially when i mean no harm, and i mean no hurt. things arent the same anymore. my life.. theres this emptiness inside. SO EMPTY, all day means school, work, soccer. why is it like this? sigh.. something is not right. and i have no idea whats wrong.. so tired. so tired.. so so tired.. feels lethargic everyday i wake up. and what i see is just plain old me again, theres no long to live life fulfillingly. everythings just so screwed up. excuses after excuses. to escape to run and to hide. if i'd get into a coma, probably that will be a long sleep all the way till my heart stops beating. ive been such a failure. really. i failed in practically everything i do. shucks. so wat if i score in tests and fail in life ? no point. its time i start waking up from my sleep, and set myself into deep thoughts, i need a change.. i need a chance.. i miss u. :(

pretty busy nowadays.. been visitin dad at de hospital and juggling with my school timeslots at de same time. well, things are quite okay now, except that i've been so back-scheduled to the extent that all the things that are needed to be completed by today, im actually struggling to finish them off in the nick of time. haha. alrite. blame myself. for being lazy, for being slack, but i did try. :D anyway, fell asleep with my laptop on again. wanted to finish my work by the night so i can at least hand in my part of the responsibility to my friend. so it failed again, in other words. hehe. now i woke up early today, with still a little self-conscious in me left.. to finish IT!! arhhh... okay, *after today everything will be FINE* hey realised that i didnt really let many peeps know about my blog, wonder who's been reading them, hahaha. i somehow have that mistrust, well, dont really care. thats it.

hmmm.. damn shag these few days. got back me test papers, the results were great .. all were As.. hehe. dad's still in hospital, 2 days ago he was fine already lo. then last night my sis called me and said he was admitted into HDU again. sigh, went to de hospital last night at about 10pm upon hearing he was going for an operation, i stayed there till near midnight then i was told to go home, as i have school today.. yeah.. he had an op last night. just messaged my sis, i heard he's fine ! yea.. thank God. would like to thank the people who were there to pray for me. :D .. sigh .. so much things happened this year, i cannot believe my eyes. i've seen Life and Death going around in my family. argh. hope everything goes over as quickly as possible. this is the first time i've scored so well in my tests, but this is also the first time i lost someone i truely love. Dad, know you wont be seeing this .. in any chance, but i hope you'd recover fast fast.. !! yeah. gd morning .. off to projects. talking about projects, i feel my partner is abit fcuked up. my group consists of 3 people. yet that other partner was like she doesnt want the other guy to be involve in the report, probably the other guy has a not so good command of language, but still i think its VERY discriminating of her to do that. and she so refuses to let us see the report. she's like doing all by herself. freak la... :| next time i'm going to push everything to her, let her feel the feeling of doing it ALL BY HERSELF !! :\

helo, today was okay. wanted to visit grandma in the first place .. but ended up at TTSH .. the hospital. dad got admitted into the hospital, with throat inflammation or something, wa .. was scary lor .. he had those really choked up throats, and it was swelling.. argh.. i really pity him man.. so sad. :( . he was in the High Dependency Unit when i went there. was shocked about the news though. sigh sigh.. then me and my siblings went to visit him lo... hai. aiya .. then bro forced me to have dumplings with him lo.. the dinner cost me like .. 3.50 + 2 + 1.4 argh.. so much. i just lost my handphone so i really dont have much bux with me le lor .. he is so inconsiderate .. or not at all sympathetic to me lo.. hai. anyway, looking forward to my soccer training tmr.. becos thats the day when i finally pass my captain's armband unto Jay, yes. im gonna step down as a captain, was happy leading the team. but i have no courage and responsibility was too much for me to take, im sorry i have to step down no matter wat. just be well, im gonna be a player, a good one.. hheh. . gd nite la . 2am, shucks man. . 8got training le... liew.. shant blog no more. gd nite.

hmmm.. shall educate more people about whats going on at the pub .. okay firstly we went there, err.. the place was like .. very difficult to choose one becos we saw a whole stretch of pubs ya .. so we just went in to any of them .. had liquor.. heyyy... im 18 okay .. ! we ordered something like 2 jugs of vodka lime and a jug of stella ? so we were drinking and chatting the place was quite cool to chill out but of cos .. it was expensive la ! something like 100+ ? for 9 people that is .. yeah .. so felt abit cheated like wat my friends said. . err.. went home starting to feel abit dizzy and hot around my body .. and was tossing and turning on bed.. SO HARD TO SLEEP... !! :( okay, fell asleep nevertheless.! hahaha.. the next day, stomach was so pain so PAIN. so i sorta regretted drinking so much .. i had a total of 3 cups which is so damn lot. haha. but i'd of cos nvr regretted the experience la .. haha . who has it ? only mE !!! hehehe. had sakae sushi buffet today, it was really REALLY filling lorhz.. everyone was like seh seh when we walked out, all with big bellys .. hahahaha. went to jurong for a haircut (with eric), he was the one cutting la .. haha .. so .. ok la still very nice loh ... so tired! lazy to blog so much .. shall check back soon ya .. .:D good nite

lalalala... hahahaha

HEY! going to orchard soon, gotta meet my friends to Far East Plaza there to eat. . my mentor's treat ! YAY... hahaha.. so good rite.. ya lor he's really great man.. so friendly.. haha. hmmm my frens asked me to go clubbing later on tonite after the dinner. woahhh.. its my first time leh !! and im kinda excited about it.. haha.. hmm ... who knows whats gonna happen later on and whats happening in there .. i just hope i wont end up taking alcohol .. haha.. alright. i'll check back later on to tell u hows my day been, a night at the pub ! haha. my mum sure kill me 1.. if she sees this .. haha. and if she gets to know about it. but im juz gonna keep mum about it :X no one can say. hahaha .. oh ya . . look ! new template, new background.. hehe. so proud of myself, i actually know how to edit a template and replace a picture, although it look me like .. so long. haha thanks to ppl like trix and ah yang and of course myself for being so helpful and unlazy. HAHA. okay.. hope anyone that sees this will like it .. hehe. cya

partially done up with the layout ... hee.. i think it will be ready soon .. will continue with the stuffs anytime when i have the time, for now. SLEEEEEEEEEEEP. goooodnite.

weeeee!! my tests are finally over ! all those muggings are over for now .. heheheh .. its time to play and play harder .. and then finally to study AGAIN. but for now, PLAY. well well, went to the JAE thingy with eric today, he chose a business course for his first choice, which i think he's got quite a chance to get in. went back after tt, was like crapping with liang and trixie. i was talking about how magical was I to actually SHRINK. heheh. so every1 had our nicknames changed to shrinked, shranked, shrunked and shrenked. hahahah. was kinda lame. anywy, went soccer after that with liang, went there and played soccer .. (LIKE 1 MATCH ? ) 5 mins ? hahahah the weather really wasnt on our favour u c.. and everyone was just about to go home .. yeah. too bad la. ! well, i had 2 BIG scars on my arms, i was like scratched against the fence, causing 2 very long and looks painful scar on my arms. so suay ! den went to PS2 with liang at his place, he was playing one really "horrorifying" game which wasnt really that horrible. hahaha. then had dinner and finally home. things were okay today, tests were alright. i got a good feeling about this time's common tests. hope i'd do well !! shall blog another time. oh ya, feel like changing template, yes and im going to do it ! cyaaaaaaaa.

heyyaaa!!!! okay .. i've learnt to be more optimistic man.. ! okay .. tmr is lk common test for tis particular ppr i always thought its easy, but looks like it isnt that at all easy cos i had the whole day mugging and i have no idea wat is it actually about :x omg man. its so early in the morning man the ppr .. im lk real tired and dont really feel like studying man.. im forcing myself to go on man.. but i think its just a must. if i fail then i'll be real sad....... :( haha ! anyways.. same la. still studying lor. i only got 2 pprs this semester and if i ever fail one of them, i think i'd be the worst guy in sch liaoz.. hahaha... yeah, last tutorial liaoz... just hope i can last through this last tutorial, teachers been giving little hints here and there that the last 2s are the most impt ones and im lke, put in the least efforts on these .. .arrrhhhhhhhh!!!! hahahaha... okay .. back to study. i calculated i got like 6 hours to sleep at most. heheh. better extend it. if not brains not working then die liaoz ! cya.

i came across some very nice songs late .. its really soothing to the ears .. and i really like those songs man .. probably you can try downloading them and listen if you wish to.. twins - xia yi zhan tian hou and eagles - love will keep us alive. the first song by twins is actually in cantonese .. although i do not really know cantonese but with the help of lyrics i managed to understand a little about the song .. its very very nice yeah. touching as well.. alright.. todays the last day for my muggings .. i shall work doubly hard today and stop wasting precious time .. afterall, its last minute work ! :\

sigh. why must life be so complicated.. im put to do things i dont want to.. and i dont like it. im just over there for people exploit. why our lives are corrupted.. why everyone acts stealthily. why cant everything be open and free. i just hate myself for having too much power. things always come to the top first. and im not strong enough to protect. i feel useless. i am going to quit. i cant take this shit. sigh. today was alright until some real bad things happened .. arghz. sometimes i feel totally dumb and useless. forget it, you're not going to understand anyway.

yet another day have passed, i wonder how many tomorrow ones gonna have... :\ well, live your life worthily. today's just plain old revision for my paper in some hours' time. yeap.. today my thoughts were just set on work and more work. it didnt really spark me off to any other wild thoughts i always have. so afterall, work really keeps one occupied, but it really makes one DULL. jun yong says everytime im faced with stress i tend to shrink. yes. shrink. as in physically. i have no idea why he thinks this way but it seems a handful of my friends agrees to that ! :[ hmmmm... probably i have some really unique features that allows me to shrink in size when faced with stress. thats kinda cool dont you think so ? hehe. anyway, suddenly im really back into the mood to study, for after 4-5 months of resting. i wasnt really listening in class, i was day dreaming.. and i realised a change in me. i start to get very chatty. i used to be so quite you know, but no idea what sets me talking like non-stop whenever i see my friends. maybe i just want to get my point out. who knows man. well, is it good or bad, its still left to the floor to decide. suddenly today i chatted with some of my friends who just had their O lvls, well they were asking for my opinions to which courses to go and whatever. then my brother asked me this question. "why everyone calls you to ask?" hmm.. i have no idea man. but i would gladly assist them if they need help, or even if they don't need( thats nosey, already). anyway, its cool helping people out. i just get this sense of satisfaction whenever i see them learnt something. haha. :D well, paper's tomorrow. i've done most of my revisions of course if not i wont be over here chatting my way.. haha. things are still going quite fine with me. i realised that life should still be quite fufilling at this point of time of this part of my life. i've got friends and my studies are still going quite fine. things are still rock steady.. for now. who knows what will happen next that'll cause my rock steady to "rock". haha. alright, updates for now. till then, i'll see myself here soon. wednesday will be the end of all papers, that will be the end of stresses, but report deadline is coming up, better get my butts moving. good nite.