Dear Shean,
At the point of writing, I have been struggling to move on from this relationship. It is tough because letting go someone so close to me of 6 years is not something that can be done easily.. To cope with this, I believe there is a strong need for me to cut off all contacts with you. My first steps was to stop contacting you.. I had to unfriend you on FB and unfollow you on Instagram because of the tendency to check on you, and see how you have been doing.. which is not helping me at all.
This is my way of coping. I hope you do not see it as an act that I do not view you as a friend. In fact, you're the closest friend I had. But not now, just not now.
When the dust is settled, that is when I will have perhaps pluck up the courage to do what is needed all over again.
Weiming
13.12.15
14.2.10
to my valentine... :)
I remember the first time i met you in school, it was during our freshmen orientation camp. It was about a year back then..
At that time, I only had very brief moments with you when we struck a conversation with each other. my impression of you was that you were a quiet and introverted girl. although at times, i get to see the bubbly side of you too.
Indeed, it turned out to be so and as days go by, my impression of you got clearer and better.
I don't exactly know how you find me, but to me, you felt like someone who is independent and strong to deal with any uncertainties. you were someone whom i like chatting with because it always feels comfortable whenever i'm chatting with you. problems were distantly far away whenever we talk to each other. our msn conversations are always so long that they last into wee hours of the morning.
we all had our little crushes on each other, unknown little crushes that we chose to keep it to ourselves.
As things got hectic and the ever piling schoolwork got the better of everyone, you'd be busy juggling between redcross and studies and i'd be busy with my commitments in hall. we hardly see each other, even for the fact that we stay in the same hall.
it was then that my feelings for you faded, making me feel that it was probably just an infatuation after all.
The end of school term approached and everyone was heavily involved in IHG. Like everybody else, i enjoyed it thoroughly. i try to attend games that involved our block.
at times, i secretly made glances at you, even without my knowledge.
soon, i realised that you are still the attractive little girl hiding in that corner of my heart. but i never had the courage to ask you out.
it was silly to say that i revealed to some of them about my feelings towards you through a round of truth of dare, but the fact stays. so now, it was just that handful few who knew about it and oh, my roommate, whom i told him about when i first developed feelings to you.
after much persuasion from the girls, i decided to ask you out. honestly, i didn't know when it was going to happen, if it was ever going to happen.
there was one day, on my way to school, i chanced upon you at the bus stop. after a short conversation with you that i realised that like me, you haven't taken your lunch. i wanted to have lunch with you.. and i did, only after texting you during tutorials. i felt silly, but i didn't mind being so.
for two months, there were many instances where i tried to ask you out, but decided against it at the 13th hour.
finally on 20th February, i braced myself to ask you out for a movie. it was my first date in so many years. i remember it was "the curious case of benjamin button" that we caught. it was the 2nd time i ever went out to the movies with a girl.. so half the time i was feeling butterflies in my stomach. nevertheless, we had such a great day together.
sometimes, it is just amazing how things have developed. our liking to each other took to a new level and i knew you were the one for me. finally, i decided to let you know my feelings on 07.03.2009.
07.03.2009, i held your hand. this is a decision that i want to be with you all my life, no matter what it takes.
to my lovely baby,
Happy Valentine's Day.
At that time, I only had very brief moments with you when we struck a conversation with each other. my impression of you was that you were a quiet and introverted girl. although at times, i get to see the bubbly side of you too.
Indeed, it turned out to be so and as days go by, my impression of you got clearer and better.
I don't exactly know how you find me, but to me, you felt like someone who is independent and strong to deal with any uncertainties. you were someone whom i like chatting with because it always feels comfortable whenever i'm chatting with you. problems were distantly far away whenever we talk to each other. our msn conversations are always so long that they last into wee hours of the morning.
we all had our little crushes on each other, unknown little crushes that we chose to keep it to ourselves.
As things got hectic and the ever piling schoolwork got the better of everyone, you'd be busy juggling between redcross and studies and i'd be busy with my commitments in hall. we hardly see each other, even for the fact that we stay in the same hall.
it was then that my feelings for you faded, making me feel that it was probably just an infatuation after all.
The end of school term approached and everyone was heavily involved in IHG. Like everybody else, i enjoyed it thoroughly. i try to attend games that involved our block.
at times, i secretly made glances at you, even without my knowledge.
soon, i realised that you are still the attractive little girl hiding in that corner of my heart. but i never had the courage to ask you out.
it was silly to say that i revealed to some of them about my feelings towards you through a round of truth of dare, but the fact stays. so now, it was just that handful few who knew about it and oh, my roommate, whom i told him about when i first developed feelings to you.
after much persuasion from the girls, i decided to ask you out. honestly, i didn't know when it was going to happen, if it was ever going to happen.
there was one day, on my way to school, i chanced upon you at the bus stop. after a short conversation with you that i realised that like me, you haven't taken your lunch. i wanted to have lunch with you.. and i did, only after texting you during tutorials. i felt silly, but i didn't mind being so.
for two months, there were many instances where i tried to ask you out, but decided against it at the 13th hour.
finally on 20th February, i braced myself to ask you out for a movie. it was my first date in so many years. i remember it was "the curious case of benjamin button" that we caught. it was the 2nd time i ever went out to the movies with a girl.. so half the time i was feeling butterflies in my stomach. nevertheless, we had such a great day together.
sometimes, it is just amazing how things have developed. our liking to each other took to a new level and i knew you were the one for me. finally, i decided to let you know my feelings on 07.03.2009.
07.03.2009, i held your hand. this is a decision that i want to be with you all my life, no matter what it takes.
to my lovely baby,
Happy Valentine's Day.
31.5.09
It's been awhile since we've got together. Oh well, I don't exactly know if we're together but it certainly feels so.
It's bittersweet. plenty of lovely memories that I fear wouldn't last. There are plenty of obstacles that I fear I wouldn't past.
I hope everything would turn out fine. just like her. I love her.
It's bittersweet. plenty of lovely memories that I fear wouldn't last. There are plenty of obstacles that I fear I wouldn't past.
I hope everything would turn out fine. just like her. I love her.
14.2.09
31.1.09
30.1.09
it's times like this that you turn back to the same old reliable confidant. you want to make your feelings known. you want it reciprocated. but you cannot demand for it.
maybe you don't feel safe. maybe its a lesson learnt. maybe there's just nothing. naught.
in a state of confusion. everything seems implied. no assurance. it doesn't feel right. but there's no right, to demand for a right.
it's fine. everything is fine. maybe you should do what you always do. maybe the time just isn't right.
if it's the latter, i'll accept. the former, i'll accept it too.
thinking, too much.
haha..haha..
maybe you don't feel safe. maybe its a lesson learnt. maybe there's just nothing. naught.
in a state of confusion. everything seems implied. no assurance. it doesn't feel right. but there's no right, to demand for a right.
it's fine. everything is fine. maybe you should do what you always do. maybe the time just isn't right.
if it's the latter, i'll accept. the former, i'll accept it too.
thinking, too much.
haha..haha..
15.12.07
wow, now i know i haven't been updating for a really really long time now... well, it's December the 15th of 2007 now. guess what? i'm finally going to pass out of OCS as a commissioned officer today.
oh yeah, more responsibilities and stuff. hope i'll be able to cope out there. i've no absolute idea what is expected of me out there. the world seems so uncertain now. but hey, no worries about that.
on another note, i kinda miss life in OCS. i bet all other bunks out there do not have the kind of bunk we have here. there's even internet now for me to update my blog. goodness.
i'll definitely miss all my instructors who have been with us all these while, supporting us, giving us encouragement, being such a good friend and teachers. for me, being in OCS definitely means something different. afterall, ive been here 3 months longer than the rest. i know this place inside out! haha. i'm missing my Charlie instructors, not to forget the short Hotel stint, and now finally the Foxtrot ones. im missing my 66/06 friends, but im like joining you guys in the officer's corp today. but as a 67/07.
theres so much i want to say, theres so much attachment i feel for this place words just cannot explain. i must say ive had such wonderful people that made everything worthwhile.
thanks guys.
oh yeah, more responsibilities and stuff. hope i'll be able to cope out there. i've no absolute idea what is expected of me out there. the world seems so uncertain now. but hey, no worries about that.
on another note, i kinda miss life in OCS. i bet all other bunks out there do not have the kind of bunk we have here. there's even internet now for me to update my blog. goodness.
i'll definitely miss all my instructors who have been with us all these while, supporting us, giving us encouragement, being such a good friend and teachers. for me, being in OCS definitely means something different. afterall, ive been here 3 months longer than the rest. i know this place inside out! haha. i'm missing my Charlie instructors, not to forget the short Hotel stint, and now finally the Foxtrot ones. im missing my 66/06 friends, but im like joining you guys in the officer's corp today. but as a 67/07.
theres so much i want to say, theres so much attachment i feel for this place words just cannot explain. i must say ive had such wonderful people that made everything worthwhile.
thanks guys.
4.9.07
alright, as promised, i have once again done myself proud.
yes, i got my badge. my hard earned badge. it was very tough. very very tough.
on a side note, i'm very sad as well.
you all might have heard about the passing of CPT Ho.
he's such a wonderful PC to Foxtrot. the day we completed our exercise, we found out about his death. we were all shell-shocked. i kept asking myself why would such a tragic happen to him. he was an amazing PC to all of us in Foxtrot. i can't believe this is happening.. and i still can't. but i know he's resting elsewhere in a place better than earth.
rest in peace, cpt ho. we will miss you..
yes, i got my badge. my hard earned badge. it was very tough. very very tough.
on a side note, i'm very sad as well.
you all might have heard about the passing of CPT Ho.
he's such a wonderful PC to Foxtrot. the day we completed our exercise, we found out about his death. we were all shell-shocked. i kept asking myself why would such a tragic happen to him. he was an amazing PC to all of us in Foxtrot. i can't believe this is happening.. and i still can't. but i know he's resting elsewhere in a place better than earth.
rest in peace, cpt ho. we will miss you..
18.8.07
i can't believe time flew on me. i mean, it's been 2 months since i last updated afterall. so many things happened, just too many. i've recoursed, 8 weeks into it, and now, im flying off to Brunei in.. god, 5 hrs time. i'm so going to do my best. but sometimes, luck comes into place. sometimes, determination of your team comes into place. ultimately, alot of factors come into place. But nevertheless, everyone is hoping to do so well in Brunei. I really hope i would, really.
i need to hit the ground running.
and i'm leaving on a jet plane. i know when i'll be back again. ha. take care peeps. bon voyage to me.
i need to hit the ground running.
and i'm leaving on a jet plane. i know when i'll be back again. ha. take care peeps. bon voyage to me.
25.6.07
some things in life, we cannot predict, we cannot prevent. it applies to the subject itself. mak's mum just passed away awhile ago. im feeling terrible. reminiscing the time we used to spend the night over at mak's place, playing our console, rushing for projects. my teenage life made much more meaningful with her presence.
the sky's crying for her.
she's such a wonderful friend, parent, companion and mother.
you rest in peace. i know you will.
i will miss you. i will. i will...
the sky's crying for her.
she's such a wonderful friend, parent, companion and mother.
you rest in peace. i know you will.
i will miss you. i will. i will...
22.6.07
17.6.07
12.6.07
10.6.07
i guess it's good to trash things out, although not peacefully. anyways, i guess life has been on the move again. it's always better to see things going your way, or rather, accepting things as it is. i believe i need to learn how to handle things when they don't go my way. this time round, i've grown again.
in a matter of month's, i will be making life-changing decisions. it's abit cruel at this juncture because afterall, im just 21 still. but i guess we need to learn to be decisive this time round, and also to be responsible for whatever decisions made.
i hope that i will be getting alot of blessings from alot of people, because i know faith alone doesn't work (okay maybe they do, once in a blue moon).
still, im working hard. i am.
in a matter of month's, i will be making life-changing decisions. it's abit cruel at this juncture because afterall, im just 21 still. but i guess we need to learn to be decisive this time round, and also to be responsible for whatever decisions made.
i hope that i will be getting alot of blessings from alot of people, because i know faith alone doesn't work (okay maybe they do, once in a blue moon).
still, im working hard. i am.