I had a great day yesterday, all my friends were there wishing me a happy birthday and i truely appreciate that very much. thank u guys so much. ... never to know everything to end so drastically. I left my handphone on the taxi.. all is now gone. my contacts .. sigh. i came home knowing that my phone is now gone, i never expected to get a scolding from my mum when i came home. she was nagging me like non-stop. i had a cake waiting for me to be cut, but words from my mum was like too difficult for me to take it. dammit. now the cake is left uncut on the table, i know she meant well to have bought me a cake.. but im in not a mood at all to cut the cake. i hate myself for losing my handphone.. and leading to this. this year truely is going to be a year for me, i just felt that its going to be so different from other years, maybe i'll drop out of school or get killed or something. anyways, my birthday wish is of course to be able to do well in my examinations, and finally to be with the one i truely love. but its okay, its not gonna work out. im just to pessimistic about whats gonna happen. but i love you guys, nevertheless, for blessing me in every way that you could've. thank you people. :D

mixxed feelings, happy and sad at the same time, is this a sign of anything to me ?

GeN-X [stressed out]

Happy Birthday to myself ! can you believe it.. its my birthday today, im kinda excited to whats gonna happen during the day, but this is the first time ever i had this kind of feeling- the feeling of it being like any other day. and the day just before my birthday, i actually received a very sad sad news.. i almost couldnt take it.. i shant put it out because these stuffs goes to my very private life. at this particular day 18 years ago, a child was born.. and thats me :). i remembered someone telling me, when someone is born, someone passes on. well, i have no idea how much an extent was it a fact. give it a thought. how does it feel to have lost a loved one ? imagine one day you see your closest friend in school and the very next day you don't see him anymore. don't it hurt so much? well well.. i guess all these are parts and parcels of life.. no one's gonna have a smooth ride throughout their lives.. there are bound to be some rough edges in life that you wished you werent the one facing it, but what actually moulds us into how we are today is what we've actually faced in our lifetime and how we've successfully conquered it. so.. be thankful for whatever problems you face, because thats when you start to finally grow again. im really thankful to people who remembered my birthday, you people are the coolest i met in life so far, life is just so contradicting and unpredictable. but thats life. :|

treat others well on your way up, because you never gonna know who u are going to meet on your way down.

im 18 ! wow, cool age.

cool, im only a day away from my birthday. well, but it feels like its just any normal day to me. im not at all anticipated for the day to come, no idea why too. just hope everything will go on smoothly for me :D i woke up so early today, like 6am when i have no school. think i slept too early last night, after that soccer match. i realised i just hurt my left thigh. its quite painful and i think the injury was a month ago's problem. starting to worry if anything might happen to my leggy. Anyway, suddenly i realised being single rocks. haha. well, wadi might be right. you say being single rocks when you are single. yeah, humans.. are like that man. my holidays are here man ! but it'll be more of studying, my computer sort of broke down so its just a cool way to actually start working out on what i've left out in school. (was chatting all the way in sch) alright man, 2 modules to kill. it shouldnt be a problem, IF i work it out now. cya blog.

Happy Valentine's Day ppl, hehe. well, all i have to say .. wish all couples as loving as always, yeah. dont quarrel, and if its unavoidable, remember to love each other again at the end of the day. well, its been a LONG time since i last messaged her really. i couldnt bring myself to do it because i knew we wont be together, for forever ? yeah .. there's this feeling there. i know its almost impossible to be together again, for so many reasons man. whatever. i just wish her a happy valentine's day with whoever she's spending with. all i want to see is that she's happy, fine, pretty always. okay, some might know who im refering to but not to all. finally, i sent her this message, she received it. thats all yeah .. a reply as always. we went thru the 2nd Valentine's day - not together, yea. its kinda saddening, its fate. i trust utmost. all i have to say, i loved you, you loved me, im feeling fine now, really. many have told me to get myself a girlfriend, but for so many reasons, i couldnt let go the previous, so how am i going to do it.. ? well, memories shall be memories, but true feelings are always kept in the heart, i still keep that postcard u had for me, i still haf that testimonial u had for me, and most of all, i still haf u in my heart, its going to take some time to forget you as the one i love, but i will never forget the beautiful memories we used to share, the everything we've done together, and most of all the love you had for me.hehe. and for once, i loved you, in this lifetime. - words from my heart... :) /dedicated to her./

u know it hurts me to feign not to love you, i couldnt let known it, i fear it might affect your life. perhaps its the greatest regret of my life, but thats the greatest decision i've made in life.

i know you'll love this song ..

Don't Cry Joni-


Woman- Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up someday you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Signed with love
forever true

Man - Joni was the girl who lived next door
I've known her I guess 10 years or more
Joni wrote me a note one day
And this is what she had to say

Woman-Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up someday you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Signed with love
forever true

Man- Slowly I read her note once more
Then I went over to the house next door
Her tear drops fell like rain that day
When I told Joni what I had to say

Man- Joni, Joni please don't cry
You'll forget me by and by
You're just fifteen
I'm twenty two
And Joni I just cant wait for you

Man - Soon I left our little home town
Got me a job and tried to settle down
But these words kept haunting my memory
The words that Joni said to me

Woman- Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up some day you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Signed with love
forever true

Man - I packed my clothes
And I caught a plane
I had to see Joni
I had to explain
How my heart was filled
With her memory
And ask my Joni if she'd marry me

I ran all the way
To the house next door
But things weren't like they were before
My tear drops fell like rain that day
When I heard what Joni had to say

Woman- Jimmy, Jimmy please don't cry
You'll forget me by and by
It's been five years since you've been gone
Jimmy I married your best friend John

heh, fine fine fine. im just too fine. :DD

do you know the feeling hasnt gotten over me ? how am i suppose to react, feel..? i reminsced the day, the day you went away. the days we had together, the fun and the sweet times. all of the memories, are they really gone as they are ? why is this happening ? i miss you so much.. is it ever possible for you to return.. are the days going to be gone just like that ? were we just foolish ? was it just a crush or an infatuation that both of us had..? why am i feeling it only now ? was it just hidden in my heart waiting for someone to unearth it ? and i wonder.. why. i miss you. if only you were here.. i guess its forever not going to be.. how i wish i would be there for you just when u needed somebody to cry with. how i wish i could share your joys and pains with you. how i wish i could tell you i still love you. it is not possible anymore. i love you.

whee.. happy new year ! its the first post ive put up on my blog in this year 2004. haha.. well well.. school's back and everything has juz been back to normal mode, it isnt any interesting. but one thing, i wont be here updating for sometime. still out there searching for my lost other half, my thoughts. there'll be a slight revamp coming up soon. but thats when i have the time to do my stuffs yeah.. alrite cool day. have fun. let me be on my way to searching for my life, a new life.