irregulation of updates. freak. the four walls of death, the room of darkness, the weapon of silence, piercing into each and every strand of my nerves, each and every inch of my skin. its killing me. - some anonymous phrase. wonder how one's got to live without a partner. *poke* *poke* *poke* :PpPp

wherever there's faith, theres hope. change me will You ? thank You.. im looking forward to this changed life.. but somethings i just have my own limitations, because of one thing or another i hope i will be understood. :D .. had a chat with this someone, whom lightened up my life. i was sure, at one point of time that thats the one, but im also well aware that the one is someone's .. heh.. well, friends la rite.. i like u as a friend only .. :) im glad i had u once in my life .. heh.. went to visit dad this afternoon. he seemed more active now .. as in he can move liao le .. and everything seems fine except for that throat. i think he'll recover in no time.. ! :D thats great news lor.. but frankly speaking, thats a turning point in my life. ive nvr been this close to dad .. well maybe last time .. i missed the days when we're together.. ************************************************************************************************************ whatever, its now over. im satisfied with my family, my dads with me although not with us. yep. sometimes i wondered, why do such things have to happen in my life ? well, its all fate. what moulds you ? problems. yap, my life's principle. hehheh.. anyway, i now look forward a change in me, i want to change for de better !! :D somethings i yearn to have, yet i wont have it. not until someone proves me wrong. :P

been feeling down lately, no idea whats getting me all over...? freak lo. so down so down, feels that something is not right in my life, feels that something is missing in my life, feels that life is no longer meaningful, feels that im just a wreck in other people's life. im no longer held respect for, im such a hypocrite in other people's eyes. why am i feeling all these? especially when i mean no harm, and i mean no hurt. things arent the same anymore. my life.. theres this emptiness inside. SO EMPTY, all day means school, work, soccer. why is it like this? sigh.. something is not right. and i have no idea whats wrong.. so tired. so tired.. so so tired.. feels lethargic everyday i wake up. and what i see is just plain old me again, theres no long to live life fulfillingly. everythings just so screwed up. excuses after excuses. to escape to run and to hide. if i'd get into a coma, probably that will be a long sleep all the way till my heart stops beating. ive been such a failure. really. i failed in practically everything i do. shucks. so wat if i score in tests and fail in life ? no point. its time i start waking up from my sleep, and set myself into deep thoughts, i need a change.. i need a chance.. i miss u. :(

pretty busy nowadays.. been visitin dad at de hospital and juggling with my school timeslots at de same time. well, things are quite okay now, except that i've been so back-scheduled to the extent that all the things that are needed to be completed by today, im actually struggling to finish them off in the nick of time. haha. alrite. blame myself. for being lazy, for being slack, but i did try. :D anyway, fell asleep with my laptop on again. wanted to finish my work by the night so i can at least hand in my part of the responsibility to my friend. so it failed again, in other words. hehe. now i woke up early today, with still a little self-conscious in me left.. to finish IT!! arhhh... okay, *after today everything will be FINE* hey realised that i didnt really let many peeps know about my blog, wonder who's been reading them, hahaha. i somehow have that mistrust, well, dont really care. thats it.

hmmm.. damn shag these few days. got back me test papers, the results were great .. all were As.. hehe. dad's still in hospital, 2 days ago he was fine already lo. then last night my sis called me and said he was admitted into HDU again. sigh, went to de hospital last night at about 10pm upon hearing he was going for an operation, i stayed there till near midnight then i was told to go home, as i have school today.. yeah.. he had an op last night. just messaged my sis, i heard he's fine ! yea.. thank God. would like to thank the people who were there to pray for me. :D .. sigh .. so much things happened this year, i cannot believe my eyes. i've seen Life and Death going around in my family. argh. hope everything goes over as quickly as possible. this is the first time i've scored so well in my tests, but this is also the first time i lost someone i truely love. Dad, know you wont be seeing this .. in any chance, but i hope you'd recover fast fast.. !! yeah. gd morning .. off to projects. talking about projects, i feel my partner is abit fcuked up. my group consists of 3 people. yet that other partner was like she doesnt want the other guy to be involve in the report, probably the other guy has a not so good command of language, but still i think its VERY discriminating of her to do that. and she so refuses to let us see the report. she's like doing all by herself. freak la... :| next time i'm going to push everything to her, let her feel the feeling of doing it ALL BY HERSELF !! :\

helo, today was okay. wanted to visit grandma in the first place .. but ended up at TTSH .. the hospital. dad got admitted into the hospital, with throat inflammation or something, wa .. was scary lor .. he had those really choked up throats, and it was swelling.. argh.. i really pity him man.. so sad. :( . he was in the High Dependency Unit when i went there. was shocked about the news though. sigh sigh.. then me and my siblings went to visit him lo... hai. aiya .. then bro forced me to have dumplings with him lo.. the dinner cost me like .. 3.50 + 2 + 1.4 argh.. so much. i just lost my handphone so i really dont have much bux with me le lor .. he is so inconsiderate .. or not at all sympathetic to me lo.. hai. anyway, looking forward to my soccer training tmr.. becos thats the day when i finally pass my captain's armband unto Jay, yes. im gonna step down as a captain, was happy leading the team. but i have no courage and responsibility was too much for me to take, im sorry i have to step down no matter wat. just be well, im gonna be a player, a good one.. hheh. . gd nite la . 2am, shucks man. . 8got training le... liew.. shant blog no more. gd nite.

hmmm.. shall educate more people about whats going on at the pub .. okay firstly we went there, err.. the place was like .. very difficult to choose one becos we saw a whole stretch of pubs ya .. so we just went in to any of them .. had liquor.. heyyy... im 18 okay .. ! we ordered something like 2 jugs of vodka lime and a jug of stella ? so we were drinking and chatting the place was quite cool to chill out but of cos .. it was expensive la ! something like 100+ ? for 9 people that is .. yeah .. so felt abit cheated like wat my friends said. . err.. went home starting to feel abit dizzy and hot around my body .. and was tossing and turning on bed.. SO HARD TO SLEEP... !! :( okay, fell asleep nevertheless.! hahaha.. the next day, stomach was so pain so PAIN. so i sorta regretted drinking so much .. i had a total of 3 cups which is so damn lot. haha. but i'd of cos nvr regretted the experience la .. haha . who has it ? only mE !!! hehehe. had sakae sushi buffet today, it was really REALLY filling lorhz.. everyone was like seh seh when we walked out, all with big bellys .. hahahaha. went to jurong for a haircut (with eric), he was the one cutting la .. haha .. so .. ok la still very nice loh ... so tired! lazy to blog so much .. shall check back soon ya .. .:D good nite